I'll stay by your side
by NiennorNight
Summary: Set after the end of episode 11. If you haven't seen it yet, SPOILERS. The reason for which I believe Yuuri said /that/ thing, and what I wish would happen afterwards. (I wrote this a week ago but just posted it now... ) [Viktuuri Post-Episode 11]


**_"_** ** _After the Final, let's end this."_**

"Please explain." Viktor said shocked, refusing to believe Yuuri could actually mean…

Yuuri looked away. "We should end this. There is no point." He said again.

"That's not explaining."

"I-"

"Look at me when talking." Viktor said and his voice was colder than Yuuri had ever heard it before. For the third time that day he felt like crying.

He was dreading to see the look on his face. He would surely be angry and disappointed at him. Yuuri was certain he was already regretting coaching **him** instead of Yurio. He saw the way Viktor was looking at the younger skater's performance before. Hell. He saw the way he looked at everyone else's performance.

He was so impressed at Otabek's, and smiling through Chris' like watching an old friend and being proud of him. Surely Viktor was watching so much more in them that he did in him. After all, all **he** did was let him down.

So much for showing him he could land a quadruple flip with a +3 GOE…

"Yuuri." Viktor's voice pulled him out of his haze. He was still staring down, not daring meet his eyes, genuinely terrified of what he'd see in them. "Look at me." Viktor said again, and now his voice was softer, more patient.

Yuuri slowly looked up from his trembling hands, to meet Viktor's beautiful ocean blue eyes. God, he loved those eyes so much. He loved that _man_ so much. But that was exactly the reason he was doing that. 'If you love something let it go.' They say. And he loved Viktor too much to hold him back. Hold him down while there was so much potential for him yet. If he stayed with him he was bound to destroy him. The name he built for himself, all he tried for, all those years, his five golden medals; tarnished, by Yuuri's incompetence.

"I'm sure this is what you want too." He said, trying to keep his voice steady, thanking God the look in Viktor's eyes wasn't one of contempt.

His coach raised an eyebrow. "I want it **_too_** …" He quoted. "So we **_both_** want it, is that what you're saying?"

Yuuri only nodded looking away again, not trusting his voice.

" _Yuuri._ Yesterday, you spend 800 dollars on a pair of rings that you'll be paying off for months, and **_now_** you want to end this?"

"I **_failed_** you!" He exclaimed, raising his eyes on him, on the verge of tears. "Again! And again! How could you **_not_** want it?"

Viktor looked at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I'm sure you regret everything…" Yuuri said in a low voice.

"I don't." Viktor said not even stopping to think about it. "And do you know why?"

Yuuri shook his head 'no'.

"Because if I was Yurio's coach we wouldn't be here now. If I was still competing; being Chris' and Otabek's opponent, I wouldn't be wearing this ring now." He said, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing the golden band, never taking his eyes off Yuuri's.

"Viktor…" He whispered, his voice trembling, his resolution to do this wavering.

"You made me stronger. You made me feel things I've never felt before. I could **_never_** regret this."

Yuuri dropped his head, trying to pull it together and failing. His vision blurred and his chest heaved as he fought for breath. _'What am I going to do? What should I do? I can't-'_

Viktor hugged him tightly. "Breathe Yuuri." His warm voice, full of love and concern once more, grounded him and he managed to draw a shaky breath. "Good." His beloved crooned. "Breathe. It's going to be fine."

He drew another breath trying to empty his mind, focusing only on Viktor's voice and hands tracing soothing circles on his back. He ignored the voices telling him he didn't deserve any of that, and finally managed to calm down.

"I'm sorry." He said. This wasn't supposed to happen, but all the pressure came crashing down on him and he lost it again. He tried to pull back, but Viktor tightened his hold on him.

 _'_ _Abandon me.'_ He thought even as he hugged him back craving his touch. _'I don't deserve you. I'm not good enough… No matter what I do, I can_ _ **never**_ _be good enough for you.'_

He knew he should tell Viktor, he should let him go, but he didn't want to, he didn't-.

"I love you." Viktor whispered into his ear, shattering his dark train of thought, as his warm voice sent shivers through him, and Yuuri lost his breath again, his eyes widening in shock.

"Wh- what?"

Viktor laughed softly, squeezing him for a moment, then grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away a little to look into his eyes. " ** _Ai shite iru_** , Yuuri." [ ** _I love you,_** Yuuri.]

Yuuri stared at him frozen, unable to say anything. This was surely a dream. After failing again and again, he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to hear those words by the only person he has ever longed for.

 ** _"_** ** _Breathe."_** Viktor reminded him again, and he drew another much needed breath, hyperventilating, his heart beating a mile a minute.

"Is this real…?" He muttered mostly to himself, unable to believe it.

"Yes." The Russian answered patiently, a small smile on his face, his hands still on his shoulders, a gentle pressure soothing and grounding him.

"I love you too." Yuuri whispered out of breath, as if he had just performed both his short program and free skate in succession.

Viktor's smile widened. "Excellent. Then there is nothing to talk about. I'm going to stay by your side and never leave."

"But you…"

"But nothing." He said firmly. "I'm not letting you leave me a second time."

Yuuri was the one hugging him this time, burying his face on his neck, breathing deeply as Viktor hugged him back. "Thank you…" He muttered.

"Let's win gold together at the Grand Prix Final." Viktor said, repeating Yuuri's own words back at the airport. "I will believe in you enough for the both of us." He pressed a kiss into his hair and Yuuri sighed, melting into his touch. Maybe it would be okay after all…

 **~O~**

* * *

 _ **Note: I wrote this fic a week ago but only posted it on Ao3 before xD I was too lazy to post here sooner, until now!**_

 ** _[Original Notes:_** ** _I know nothing like this will happen since in the preview they are still distant after this scene, but I needed something to survive the week so here._**

 ** _Also I'm being OOC, and it's kinda awful. But I was NOT OKAY after that episode, and I needed to write. I hope you don't hate it too much! If you do, sorry. xD]_**


End file.
